The Funeral

I was perreando when I heard you passed away

Mis caderas did what they knew

So naturally

I was alone and suddenly more so

We hadn’t spoken in months

Convinced you were well

I let you slip from my field of vision

Until you blinded me

I had lost her weeks before

Blame met me where I thought I’d find understanding

It was my fault

I mourned in the ways I knew how

Clung on to you

So that I would not miss her

Or him

Or them

I did not cry for you

I never dropped off the flowers at your grave

Never answered the texts from friends full of guilt

Never told my mama lo que pasó

Never got answers only news

So when they told me I was what they wanted

I believed them

Years later I am sitting in front of dead flowers

Grief pouring out of me

Out of every pore

Missing you

And her

And him

And to my embarrassment

Especially them

Feel it consume me

I do not know where it ends and I begin

When you left I did what felt right

Kissed her 

Kissed him

Fell in love with them

But now they are gone

Within my field of vision

Where you once were

I do not know if you grieve me too

I hope you do

Perhaps when we meet again

On the dancefloor

-m.s.


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